Mel's Blog

It seemed ages away but it was finally here, the week of the Arts Fest and their I was the weekend before - sipping tea with honey and lemon , I was feeling sick once again , right before an important performance! But I knew if I told my management team - they would either panic or just call me crazy, so I just gulped down my medicine and gargled my way to sleep. However I don't get much of that either - with my 6 month old little girl still keeping me up for those early morning feeds. So I thought I'd just wing it.

So the day of the sound check arrives and all is looking good - the sound seemed to be great...and it didn't take ages and ages to get where we wanted to get. So the day came and there I was rushing to prepare things for Asia before I leave for the gig and get my stuff together to catch an early boat to get their way before so I can get myself together without rushing around. 

The place looked a million times better then the day before - there were lights accenting the crumbling walls everywhere and as soon as I entered I could see how much work was put into this concert and I started thinking once again- OH SHIT- im feeling hoarse - I feel sick . I panicked for a second again and went up to Keith and said ' Keith I'm really hoarse I don't think I can sing'....Keith just snubbed me and said ' Cool - youll get over it by the second song'. Then he added ' DRAMA QUEEN'.  He could be such an ASSHOLE!  Hehehehehe.. (SORRY KEITH)  He doesn't understand the fact that I get so worried about the performance - me being the person that had intense stage fright all my life - that it effects me physically! Oh well.

Those last minutes before I go onstage are a nightmare and a dream for me. I start thinking 'oh shit , I can't do this, how and where am I gonna hide so no one can find me', and then the other part of me says ' you've practiced in your room for many years , you have one life , so go and tell everyone how you feel about this lifetime.' 

And then your on and the rush goes to your head and shivers go down your spine..and everything else just disappears and the music takes you on that journey. And as soon as I start thinking that I'm going downhill - I think about everything Im singing about - and nevermind everything else. That's when it feels right. That's what my voice is all about. 

After reading my poem in the middle of the set where we had the rest of the musicians join us - I had a wardrobe change and a really fast one at that! ( how does Madonna do it! ) Sam our PR - met me backstage - tore the dress off of me - helped me put the next outfit on easily while keeping my hair and make up intact , the hard part was the boots - they are not usually a problem but on that night- either with the heat or something - MY FEET felt swollen! They couldn't go in, so there we are huffing and puffing to put these freaking boots in! I'm hearing my cue to go on and we're literally like two animals trying to fit in this bloody boot onto my foot! When we finally did it I ran on stage and made it just on time. It turned out to be a great gig and at the end people just grooved away to the music - I could see the people eagerly wanted to stand up and just be free..and so they did. And this is a great thing I've learnt about being a performer - it's about just being free and not pretending to be something your not. You might be a shy person during the day and you might live in fear of speaking in public all your life - but through music you can be free.  It's like another persona comes to life and every heartbeat is beating with the rhythm of the music and speaking the stories of your life. It's rewarding to see people so happy to actually LISTEN to your music and just be themselves for a few minutes - lost in words - lost in translation.

Someone told me at the gig that he was so afraid of singing and performing in public that he could never do what I do. It's funny how someone just told me that - as I was the worst with performing live in public. I wanted to do it - and oh did I LUST for it but I just felt so akward and fear overtook my personality and it just was a nightmare! In fact - the first thing I told my manager was ' I will never cut my hair (being that I had freshly dyed jet black long hair  ) I will always wear black ( just to emphasise that I will be a goth forever) and I will never sing in public.' But with the help of people I love and the people that truly believed in me and who really pushed me to the limit, I overcame these inhibitions... It's ok to be nervous - it just gives you that extra something on stage - but there is nothing to be afraid of - if your prepared and you just do as you feel and just mean what you say - it will all work out fine and if you just let everything be and just do whatever you do naturally with your utmost commitment - your perfomance will translate into a million words in a thousand languages reaching many many nations because it will always touch people in the same spot - that is the heart.